The authors, present their concept of intimacy which proved to be of great interest and help in psychotherapy of couples problems (relational, emotional and sexual). They experienced and utilized in their clinical work as systemic-relational psychotherapists. The authors, referring also to Winnicot, Stern, and Whitaker individuate in the primitive "mother-child" relationship the nucleus of intimacy. The child while experiencing belongings with mother and other relevant figures will then develops the capacity of safely individuating. They then define psychotherapy as a context in which the patients can experience regression and recognize their needs thanks to the honest authentic patient/psychotherapist relationship. The therapist "sufficiently good" will act as facilitator to activate or re-activate patients resources. During couples psychotherapy the authors take into account the multigenerational story of patients and its development and analyze and utilize the nostalgia of primitive belonging together with the actual shame and uncertainty of recovering it. Finally they suggest that the concept of "struggle of power" so often present in couples problems solving might be a poor shelter covering deeper needs looked for in a couple relationship.
Keywords: Belonging, individuation, intimacy, relationship, shame, systemic- relational couple therapy